Alpine Spring Break

My spring break started officially some time this weekend, but since I wasn't taking any classes, it doesn't really matter when it actually started. I had a final to give on Thursday, but it was an optional final. Fortunately, most of my students are academically very lazy and unwilling to take a test at 8am even though it can't possibly hurt their grade and might possibly help it. So, only about 3o of the 130 students in the class bothered to show up, which made grading go quickly, and we were able to finish around noon of the same day. Friday there was a board game night, which I went to and had fun at, but that was the only thing I actually did at school. I'm feeling pretty lazy, so just this post will just be a few thoughts without a ton of structure.

The games that I played Friday were Incan Gold, which is a simple but fun exercise in expected value, and Risk, which we all know I love. Usually I can't get other people to play, but this time there was no problem with that. In fact, we had seven people playing, with two people working as a team. I think of myself as being relatively expert at the game, given how much time I've spent on it, but I try not to be obnoxious about telling people what they should do or over-explaining the rules because I hate when people do that. My one friend always asks me for advice on what he should do, which is funny, since we are ostensibly enemies for the purposes of the game. Anyway, the one guy in our department who we basically all dislike because of his lack of social/hygiene skills was also playing, and he kept trying to lecture people about what to do, so we were all sort of silently relieved when he was actually the first one eliminated. Full disclosure: I did recommend eliminating him to the couple that then promptly did so when he was down to three territories, but it was a strategically sound decision that garnered them a few cards (we were playing the usual rules where cards become obscenely valuable obscenely quickly), and they were soliciting advice.

If you are curious, I did not win, though I will attribute this partially to not really trying due to my terrible starting position and the fact that I wanted to do some other stuff at the time, so I kept leaving and coming back just for my turns. If you are even more curious, my starting position was something like three territories in northern Asia, a couple in North America, one in Australia, and I think one in Africa (?). Normally I consider North America the place to be, but the couple playing got more and better distributed territories there to start with, and built those up at the cost of their other territories, so I didn't have any options. My housemate also started out with a territory in Australia, and put all his armies there, so I really had no options, but such is life when you randomly select territories. So, I just sat back most of the game, accumulating territories one per turn and hoping to build up large armies. Alas, it was not to be.

Alright, so enough Risk. Last night I noticed that Netflix recently added the amazing(ly terrible) 80's horror movie "The Stuff," so I had to watch it. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, and I assume that includes pretty much everyone, it's a movie about people eating some kind of ice cream/yogurt/marshmallow goo out of the ground, which turns out to be an organism that turns people into zombies and then maybe explodes them or something. It has the worst acting I've seen since Troll 2, and dialogue that is almost as out of left field at times. But get this: some of the actors appearing in it are Michael Moriarty, Garrett Morris, and Paul Sorvino! Yeah, two Law & Order actors from the early days of the show and the most under-appreciated SNL alum I can come up with off the top of my head. None of them really seem to know/care what they are doing in the movie, though, so it is kind of extra fascinating. Michael Moriarty spends about half his time with a southern drawl and half his time just kind of reading lines, Garrett Morris explodes, and Sorvino, well, I don't know. He's a militia leader or something? His motivations and dialogue are baffling, like there were pages missing from the script. Anyway, check it out.

The "Alpine" in the title is because I bought a Sam Adams variety pack the other day, and Alpine Spring is one of the new brews that is included. It's not actually any good. I get really annoyed with Pennsylvania's stupid alcohol laws that basically force you to buy variety packs if you want to try new beers. See, you can only get beer from distributors, which have to sell it by the case, or from restaurants, which can sell you six packs, but always mark it up to ridiculous levels because, hey, it's not like you can get it from anywhere else. Supply and demand and all that. So, if I see something that looks interesting at a beer distributor (prices are also higher at these than at comparable places in, say, New Jersey, but not as bad as at restaurants) I have to buy 24-30 bottles of it, which is ludicrous, especially because I don't know if it's actually going to be good or even palatable. So, variety packs are the way to go, since at least then you are getting a few kinds and are guaranteed that at least one of them will be decent. But then you have less selection overall, because not every company makes such things, and for instance, Sam Adams always includes their Boston Lager as one of the varieties, and it's pretty much garbage. I'd rather drink one of the low-end American-style lagers like Bud or Miller than Boston Lager. Yards, which may be sort of local, I don't know, usually has variety packs, but they're often full of IPAs, which to me is meh. I'll drink IPAs, but I feel like they're just the snob version of crap beer. Like when this whole craft beer trend started, people learned that fancy beers have hops in them, so now they're in a stupid space race of seeing who can cram more hops into their own brew. I don't find hops to be that amazing, so I'm pretty put off by such a strong and not nuanced flavor. Any thoughts, beer drinkers?

Now for the only part of the post that may be sort of interesting to people. I probably shouldn't bury the lead, but here it is. A while back, a caring soul sent me the book American Ballads and Folk Songs by Alan Lomax. It's kind of a classic reference book in its field, I think. Anyway, it's an invaluable resource if you are interested in folk music, and full of gems that sadly time has forgotten. There's a short section on war songs, in which I found a catchy little number, and I'll reproduce some of the lyrics for you:

Damn, damn, damn the Fillipino,
Cross-eyed, kakiack ladrone!
And beneath the starry flag
Civilize 'em with a Krag
And go back to our own beloved home!

Lovely, isn't it? I actually copy-pasted that from another website, but the book has the same lyrics. For people who don't speak 19th century, which includes me, "kakiack" basically means yellow, a "ladrone" is a thief, and "Krag" refers to a type of rifle used by American soldiers in the Spanish-American war. I doubt that anyone of my readers is old or racist enough to remember this song, but maybe you will recognize the alternate lyrics:

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
They are precious in his sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world

One of the things I love about these old folk songs is how if you liked a song, it has generally been cool with everyone if you just took the melody as your own and added different lyrics. It's not parody or anything, just different lyrics. The vast differences in this case just point out how crazy the switch can be at times. So, I guess the first little bit got me interested in brushing up on the history of the Spanish-American/Philippine-American War, since AP US History was a long time ago, and who can remember anything about them but the Maine? Haha, get it? So, I was reading the Wikipedia page, and the little bit about the "fighting" in Guam made me laugh. I'll copy paste this for you, too:

On 20 June, a U.S. fleet commanded by Captain Henry Glass, consisting of the armored cruiser USS Charleston and three transports carrying troops to the Philippines, entered Guam's Apra Harbor, Captain Glass having opened sealed orders instructing him to proceed to Guam and capture it. Charleston fired a few cannon rounds at Fort Santa Cruz without receiving return fire. Two local officials, not knowing that war had been declared and believing the firing had been a salute, came out to Charleston to apologize for their inability to return the salute. Glass informed them that the U.S. and Spain were at war. The following day, Glass sent Lt. William Braunersruehter to meet the Spanish Governor to arrange the surrender of the island and the Spanish garrison there. Some 54 Spanish infantry were captured and transported to the Philippines as prisoners of war. No U.S. forces were left on Guam, but the only U.S. citizen on the island, Frank Portusach, told Captain Glass that he would look after things until U.S. forces returned.

How ridiculous is that? Alright, that's enough for me for today.