It's Me, I Watch the Watchmen

I watched Watchmen the other night at a legitimate movie theater with a legitimate friend. I had originally decided rather half-heartedly not to see this movie because I absolutely loved the comic and knew that the movie could not be as good. For anyone who has not read/seen/heard of it by now, Watchmen is a graphic novel by Alan Moore that takes place on an earth slightly different from ours during the cold war, one in which costumed heroes actually exist. It's a brilliant piece of writing that works on a bunch of levels, and of course the art is good, too, but I don't really think that way, so I'm not going to bother with it.

Part of what makes it so good is that it is a story about what costumed heroes would actually be like, but it's better than that. A lot of fans only appreciate it on that level, but miss the point that it is really a comic that is about comics in that way, relates comic history indirectly (golden age, the end of superhero comics, silver age) via its own heroes, and actually contains a comic in and of itself that some characters in the story are reading as the main story progresses. Basically, it was intended as a graphic novel for a reason, and so making a movie out of it doesn't make any sense.

That said, it's pretty much the best movie that could have been made. The characters are all cast pretty much perfectly. I only have two gripes here, and they are pretty minor. The actor who plays Ozymandias doesn't look quite right, but I think that is mostly due to a costume redesign that, while not major, makes him look sort of like a little kid in a big kid's clothes. Ozymandias is one of two costumed heroes who actually have superpowers in the story, though his powers are just that he is a human at the peak of everything from intelligence to strength. The costume makes this hard to believe, so it is kind of annoying. Also, the actor's head is weird looking, which is kind of distracting, but he does an alright job, nonetheless. The other gripe is that the actor playing Rorschach does a bit of the Christian Bale-Batman Begins gravelly voice thing and it is over the top and annoying. It's not nearly as bad, though. Christian Bale actually ruins every scene he is in, in the Batman movies, but Rorschach's voice is only mildly irritating and much more natural sounding. Other than that, he does a great job, despite some flaws in the script.

My other problems with the movie are mostly nitpicky and stem from the fact that it is a movie. The story is cut down a little, though not to the point where it doesn't work, so it's not a big deal. I haven't read the book in a while, but I recall that Rorschach specifically talks about his philosophy of never compromising during the middle of the story, a philosophy that ultimately *spoiler* leads to his death. While his character is fairly well developed, if that had been left in, it would have been more poignant, I think. His background in the movie is mostly given in a couple of flashbacks, which are effective, but obviously the book does it better. This is just another example of why they should have left it alone. His story is cut down, necessarily, because of the format of a movie, and that does harm. I don't blame the director here, because he is doing exactly what he has to do to make the best product he can. It's that the idea he is starting with, adapting the book into a movie, is so flawed from the beginning that it can't be fixed. There is one other scene which is altered from the novel which involves Rorschach, as I recall, but it's not really a big deal. It's just annoying to me because I liked the book so much.

Overall, actually, you have to hand it to Zak Snyder for being so true to the book. At times, he almost copies shot-for-shot, and the movie works well because of this. There are other things that are cut down, but he does a good job of trying to give the fans something without bogging down the movie with details that would have stretched it out to five hours. I am mostly thinking of the golden age related stuff here. Again, it just goes to show that adapting the novel into a movie was a bad idea in the first place, because he is working within the limitations of the form.

That said, the ending is wrong, and there was no good reason to change that. The ending is functional, but the comic's ending is better, though similar, and I can't forgive the movie that point. Also, Dr. Manhattan's pivotal conversation with Laurie on Mars is altered in a stupid way that doesn't make any sense and actually detracts from the character. Other than that, Dr. Manhattan is great. He is played by a real actor but with the aid of CG, and it actually works out very well that he doesn't ever seem quite like he is there with the rest of the characters.

One thing should be mentioned, also, that is a huge problem, especially for me personally with the movie. The choice of music is almost entirely awful throughout. The opening montage is Bob Dylan's "The Times, They Are a-Changin,'" which made me cringe initially because I expected not to enjoy the movie and feared having a song so dear to my heart associated with it, but it actually makes sense. It's as if Dylan existed in the alternate timeline, too, and he still would have been singing about social change, etc. However, after that, it goes way downhill.

I don't know who was singing "Hallelujah" during the love scene, but it is possibly the worst rendition of that song imaginable, and honestly one of the worst versions of anything I have ever heard. I am completely baffled as to the reason for its selection. It's half-spoken, half-sung, entirely ugly, and almost rage-inducing. The only thing that overshadows it is the song over the ending credits, which I linked to in a previous post but had almost forgotten about by the time I went to see the movie. It is My Chemical Romance covering "Desolation Row" by Bob Dylan. I can't imagine why he would have given them permission to mutilate his song, but he must have. It is basically unlistenable and an affront to all that is good and holy. I don't just say that because I have a huge crush on Bob or a distaste for pop-punk in general. It's just very ineptly covered, altered to fit a genre for which it makes no sense, and played for a movie it makes even less sense for. I realize that a line is quoted for the title of the first chapter of the story; "At Midnight All the Agents." It's just that that is the FIRST chapter and has an obvious literal connection to that chapter, and has nothing to do with the ending of the story. On the plus side, Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower," as made famous by Jimi Hendrix, actually fits where it is placed and sounds as good as always.

If you haven't read the graphic novel, just read that. If you have, don't bother seeing the movie because it just can't possibly measure up. If you have only seen the movie, do yourself a favor and read the graphic novel, though it's partially already ruined for you becuase the ending is now obvious. Whatever your situation is, don't go see this movie, unless like me, you had a vested interest in seeing it with someone. It's not bad, but it's totally unnecessary.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I saw this at a mall movie theater, which didn't let out until about 12:25, which is after the stores in the mall are closed. Also, a lot of the doors are locked and escalators blocked off, which made even finding our way out kind of a challenge. Also, the parking lot was chained off, so I had to pull the posts out and unhook the chains just to get out. On the way out, I saw a security guard come over to the chains and check if they were back in the right spot or something. I think they didn't really think their closing all through, but there were only four people in the whole theater, so maybe they figured the cars were parked overnight.